God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
