I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
