his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
