The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
