Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
