I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
