Will you blow on my dice?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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