mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
