but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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