Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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