For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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