She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
