what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
NoShamevember. You game?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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