We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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