I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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