Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
