the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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