Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
