Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
