I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
