Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
