you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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