i think my mom watched the whole time
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
