Im at strip club and am horny
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
