People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
