Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
