Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
