i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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