I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
