I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
