I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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