Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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