there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
