At least make sure they are 18
Why
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
