Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
