I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
