I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
