I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We are two peas in an std pod
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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