I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
