thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
