dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
