I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
