i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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