Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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