My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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