he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have post one night stand depression
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
