we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
