theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry about my life...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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