There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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