I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love how my cats smell like pot.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
